Written by: Gerald Araco
Illustrated by: Jefferson Juan
As the last echoes of Valentine’s Day fade away, the remnants of the season of love linger still. Some have emerged victorious, reveling in the triumph of newfound love, while others have remained bereft of its wonders. But beyond these surface-level experiences, there are deeper lessons to be learned from this month of love. The frenzied exchange of flowers, letters, and chocolates on campus has caused me to ponder why people so desperately seek out love but not its opposite. It seems that they yearn for it with all their being, but do they fully understand the risk they take by opening themselves up to such an intense emotion? The reality is that love, like life itself, is a precarious dance with the unknown. Even if it propels us to the greatest heights, there is always the possibility of falling back to earth with a resounding crash. Despite this, we remain convinced that requited love is only a one-way journey to the top. It is crucial to remember that melancholy and heartbreak are inevitable parts of the love experience. It is not fear that should guide our hearts, but a calculated mindfulness of the potential blessings and curses that come with falling in love. Let us take a moment to reflect on the true nature of love, to contemplate its complexities and contradictions, and find the wisdom to navigate its twists and turns with grace and courage in our hearts.
The heart is a mysterious entity. It is both fragile and resilient. For even the most bashful people, they may find themselves opening up to love and connecting with another soul in ways that are both evocative and profound. The heart is made so that it is robust but can fragment into a million pieces when that intimate bond with a significant other fades and is no more. Love and heartbreak are powerful emotions; one is the gift that keeps on giving while the other, to many, is the bane of all existence. But as fearful as people may be of being subject to the perils of love, one should not disservice themselves by shying away from the experience of its enchantment and woes. For just as ivy and oak intertwine and grow together, so too do the joys and sorrows of love meld the heart into a richer, more complex thing. Experiencing both love and heartbreak can be incredibly transformative experiences that help us grow, learn, and develop a greater understanding of ourselves and others. If one wishes to deepen their understanding and capacity for love, it is a necessary rite of passage of life to have your heart broken and mended by the bittersweet melody of love.
Falling in love is a symphony of emotion that stirs the heart and soul. When we fall in love, we are swept away by forces beyond our control. Our hearts beat faster, our eyes sparkle, and our souls are filled with an impossible sense of euphoria for which we have no words to describe. To be cradled in the loving arms of your beloved is THE triumph that everyone aspires to attain. More importantly, love is a journey that takes us through the deepest parts of ourselves, revealing parts of our personality, which were previously unknown to us. That is because love is a force that can open our hearts to new possibilities, and inspire us to become the best versions of ourselves. It can make us more patient, kind, and empathetic, and can help us cultivate a greater appreciation for the people in our lives who make us feel loved and cherished. Love can help us find purpose and meaning in the absence of clarity, and it inspires us to pursue our dreams and passions with greater conviction.
In the same breath, love makes us stronger and wiser people. Love is a journey fraught with hardships and uncertainties, yet it is precisely in navigating these choppy waters that we find the greatest opportunities for personal growth and self-improvement. Indeed, the difficulties posed by love - be it misunderstandings, arguments, incompatibilities, or simply the ebb and flow of desire - can serve as a crucible for the refinement of our character and the cultivation of wisdom. By learning to be vulnerable and considerate of both our own concerns and those of our partner, we become more down-to-earth, reasonable, and selfless in our relationships, virtues that in turn spill over into other areas of life. Moreover, the experience of learning to balance our personal and professional commitments, and to resist the temptation to sabotage ourselves when excited or despondent, builds a sense of fortitude that prepares us for even greater challenges and adversity ahead. Through the trials and tribulations of love, we gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and our place in the world and emerge as wiser, more tenacious, and emotionally mature individuals.
Love is a great teacher for the most important lessons to be learned in life, but it is also through heartbreak that we see more vividly the depth of such wisdom. What one makes of it, however, is what decides your betterment or downfall. As the wise Maya Angelou puts it “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them."
Few things in life are ever as powerful as the emotions stirred by the pain of a heartbreak. The end of a relationship is no easy cross to bear and it can be a crushing blow that leaves one feeling devastated, broken, and all alone in its wake. However, it is eventually through this same suffering that we can become better, stronger, and wiser, just as falling in love makes us so.
Heartbreaks challenge us in unique ways that few other experiences can. For one, it forces us to confront the fragileness of our own emotions and the reality of how little control we have over the world around us. It is a bitter but poignant truth pill that tells us that not all things in life are easily within our grasp and that the most intense and dream-like feelings can be fleeting and impermanent. Trauma and pain break our illusion of invincibility but it is through the confrontation with the raw and unfiltered reality of heartbreak that we have a chance to grow as individuals. From this, we learn to endure the worst suffering imaginable. Many may not find their footing immediately and will stumble and fall amid the ruins of their shattered dreams. They may publicly lash out at former partners, or worse, plead with them to reconcile only to wind up being rejected with finality. Speaking from experience, there aren’t many things in this world that can contest that level of humiliation and defeat. Nevertheless, it is through the long months that follow spent crying oneself to sleep, skimming through posts on r/ExNoContact, drowning oneself in new Spotify playlists, and seeking out affirmation and comfort from friends and family that we eventually find ourselves to be at peace with reality. It is difficult to manifest that there is an end to heartbreak and the start of a new chapter in life as its scars never fully heal, but let the enduring wisdom of those great thinkers who came before tell you that in time, this too, shall pass.
Another good thing that heartbreak has to offer is that it has the ability to make us more sage and judicious about the decisions we make moving forward. When our relationships come to a demise, we are reminded of the fact that our judgment can be fallible, that our maturity is not up to par, and the unreasonable expectations of ourselves and our partners. In the throes of heartbreak, we learn to acknowledge our own culpability in the breakdown of a relationship. Humbling as it may be, it forces us to challenge our own ego and biases, remind ourselves that we are not the center of the universe, much less our own relationship and that we are not faultless and inviolable - to err is human, and no surprise, we are human beings after all. When we make such realizations, we need to find it within ourselves to practice the art of self-forgiveness. Accepting our imperfections and moments of poor judgment is integral to understanding the grace of our humanity. That way, when given the opportunity to love again, we can better appreciate the efforts of our partners and do good by them with a renewed sense of purpose and good intentions.
Finally, the end of a relationship can be a starting point for deep contemplation; specifically, about ourselves. At the heart of this experience is the realization that our sense of self and identity oftentimes gets intertwined with the dynamics of the relationship, making it difficult to maintain a clear perspective on what matters most to us. Yet, heartbreaks bear the most unexpected gift - the chance to renew our focus on the things that we have let slacken and allowed to wither. Firstly, we can make up for lost time with family and friends - the people who remind us of the importance of human bonds and social support outside our relationships. Simultaneously, they can be confidants that help you cope with the stress and anxiety attendant to breakups. Secondly, old hobbies and interests, long neglected provide a welcome and productive distraction from the hollowness of heartbreak. Finally, practicing self-care can bear fruit beyond our expectations. Whether it is meditation, therapy, or regular exercise, self-care nurtures the seeds of our resilience, preparing us for the next stages of our lives. Given time, the bad memory of heartbreak will become just that, a memory and nothing more.
In the end, it is the sum of our experiences that molds us into the people we are today. By embracing the tumultuous journey of love and heartbreak, we embark on a path of self-discovery and growth that allows us to unlock the potential of our human spirit. The ecstasy of love and the anguish of heartbreak may seem like polar opposites, but they are two sides of the same coin, each with a lesson to impart. In love, we learn the joy of selflessness, while in heartbreak, we learn the power of resilience. Through these experiences, we discover the power of vulnerability and the courage to take risks in matters of the heart. At the end of the day, love and heartbreak are intertwined, essential components of the human experience, and we are all the better at having known both.
