Written by: Gerald Araco Art by: Jefferson Juan
Ohh, to be in love is an incomparable bliss. To people, it can be the zenith of existence, for it represents the ultimate goal—the culmination of searching, from pillar to post, for someone with whom they can share a profound sense of mutual affection, connection, and happiness. The experience of romance is a perplexing, multifaceted phenomenon that has captivated the hearts and minds of humanity for centuries. It is one of the most powerful emotions that a lifetime of experiences could possibly offer. The mysterious allure of love beguiles us with the promise of fulfillment, connection, and joy. But what precisely is it about love that makes it so special that we seek it out as the definitive expression of happiness?
Romantic love holds such a special place in people’s hearts because it ignites an unparalleled feeling of happiness within us. It taps directly into the core of our fundamental human desire to seek out emotional and intimate connection. Furthermore, the world at large has made it difficult to be removed from that pursuit. From the days of old to the present, we are reminded, in the words of Leonardo Da Vinci, that “life without love is no life at all.” Despite any cynic’s best effort to tell you otherwise, the universe will always gravitate you toward the hope of finding “the one.” Literature, art, films, and all media of great minds and thinkers alike have espoused time and again that when we are in love, we can bask in the comfort of knowing that we are well and truly cared for. In the embrace of our cherished one, the very essence of life is elevated - every bite of food is a feast for the senses, every slumber is a reprieve from the world, every memory is a tapestry woven with rich hues, and every triumph in life forms a symphony of sweet delight.
However, it is high time somebody cast a stone of opposition to this romanticized perspective of love (pun most certainly intended). Do not indulge yourselves too keenly in the upcoming Valentine’s hoopla of flowers, chocolates, silly love songs, candlelit dinners, and whimsical declarations of puppy love. Bitter as it may sound, let us instead consider its antithesis: the possibility that there may never be soulmate to be found and treasured for some as long as they are tethered to their earthly form. For such people, is that condition a fate worse than death?
It depends on whose rose-colored lens you’re wearing.
Many people vehemently defend the merits of romantic love, but there is a strong case to be made that finding love and settling down is not an ideal situation for everyone. Confirmation bias would have you believe that people in relationships greatly outnumber those who have opted out of love but do not be mistaken. There is a large contingent of single individuals who live functional and fulfilling lives, unburdened by the pressure of seeking out a significant other. To them, singlehood is a trivial afterthought; nothing more. Finding love and settling down is often associated with traditional relationships, marriage, and starting a family, and for many individuals in this age of breaking away from such norms, the idea of settling down may not align with their values, desires, or lifestyle.
For some individuals, the prospect of settling down may not be as alluring as it used to due to a yearning for adventure and freedom. These individuals may possess an unrelenting spirit of wanderlust, and a desire to experience new destinations and encounters. They might find the notion of being tethered to one place or person uninviting and may feel suffocated in a conventional relationship or domestic life. The liberty to embark on travels and investigate the world might be held in high regard, and the obligations and commitments that come with settling down may not be appealing.
Others may not be inclined towards settling down due to a fear of commitment. Trust and emotional wounds from the past may prove challenging for some, making it difficult to give themselves fully to another person. The idea of settling down may seem to entail surrendering independence, and the magnitude of such a commitment may be daunting. Keeping their options open may seem more preferable, and they may not yet be ready for the depth of commitment that comes with settling down.
For still others, the notion of settling down may hold a different meaning. Individual pursuits and career goals may take precedence over a conventional relationship or family life. They may find fulfillment through their work or passion and may not see the need for a traditional family structure. Independence and autonomy, achieved through the pursuit of personal aspirations, may be valued, and the added responsibilities that come with settling down may not be sought. Think of Beethoven, the Wright Brothers, Isaac Newton, Nikola Tesla, and Jane Austen. All of these revered dignitaries of their respective fields are a testament to this point of abnegating romance for a higher calling.
Finally, societal norms and pressures may also play a role in why some individuals may not be meant to settle down. Conventional expectations surrounding marriage and parenthood may be imposed upon individuals, but they may not align with their values and aspirations. The pressure to conform to societal expectations is an oppressively familiar struggle to most, but surrendering one's own happiness and fulfillment to do so may not be a viable option. So, they eschew it entirely.
And, you know what? None of their lives have fallen apart as a result of singlehood precisely because all of these reasons are perfectly acceptable.
Those enamored by spoils that love pledges view singlehood as an impediment to happiness, but those wise enough to reflect deeply can regard it instead as a test of strength and fortitude - a challenge to those who seek to achieve greatness in life. The common misconception that those who are single cannot form meaningful relationships must be dispelled, for it is precisely in their solitude that they are able to cultivate and deepen bonds with family, friends, and colleagues. Such wholesome relationships are often neglected by those who are consumed by the entanglements of romantic love. Though it is true that being single may be riddled with its own set of difficulties, and overwhelming ones at that, those who fixate solely on its shortcomings conversely limit their own capacity for gratitude and contentment in other areas of life. The true challenge lies in introspection and self-reflection, and it is only by examining one's own life that one can strive to achieve greatness, both for themselves and for those they hold dear. Love, though a wondrous and powerful force, is not the only avenue to happiness and fulfillment. More to that, the experience of love extends far beyond the realm of romance, and it is the pursuit of this greater, all-encompassing love for oneself and to the people dearest to you that is the true test of resilience and strength.
Popular culture has perpetuated a fallacy that has convinced many that true love is some kind of escape from life. This cheapened view of love, reduced to mere infatuation and fleeting emotions, has lured many into its grasp, only to find themselves disappointed and wholly disillusioned. But love, in its true and authentic form, is not a magic elixir that instantly fixes all of life's problems. On the contrary, love is a complex and demanding endeavor, one that requires effort, patience, and perseverance. It is a journey of growth, self-discovery, and mutual support, and like any worthwhile journey, it is not without its obstacles. Love is not simply a means to an end, but a means to a greater end of personal fulfillment and self-actualization. To believe otherwise is to ignore the depth and breadth of love's transformative power. Love may be a many-splendored thing, but it is not the final destination. It is merely a stepping stone, a catalyst for growth toward the epitome of one’s being.
Both love and independence hold an undeniable polarity, with one implying an end to freedom and the other connoting a lack of emotional connection. The idea is to find a balance that works best for you and to choose the path that aligns with your values and desires. It is not about picking one or the other, but about understanding that both have their place and that choosing one does not automatically exclude the other. It is important to begin with the end in mind and to understand what you truly want out of life. For some, love may be the answer, while for others, the pursuit of personal freedom may be the ultimate goal. It is a duality that should not be oversimplified, for it requires a delicate balance of emotion and logic. And, for those who do find love, it is about ensuring that it complements and enhances their life, rather than restricting it. The trick is to have designs on what works best for you, to move heaven and earth to make it happen, and to cherish and recoup that balance once found.
In the end, the power of choice rests in your hands. So long as your decisions align with your best interests, you can navigate the tides of existence with ease, single or not. Allow me to part with a question: Intimacy and affection are solaces for which the heart yearns, but when time beckons your hour of reckoning, will the love of another be the only hallmark of a life well-lived?
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