Internalized Misogyny: A Consequence of living in a man’s world

Written by EEA | Visuals by KKP

When there’s not a day in your life as a woman that you are not subtly degraded, it’s hard not to start believing what the world tells you.

The world that we live in has always set standards for women — from the way they dress, the way they talk, the decisions they make, and even their own capabilities — perhaps anything that would make them feel inferior. Despite the efforts to trample the patriarchy and progress towards gender equality, women continue to suffer from a wide spectrum of sexism they face that makes them feel invisible and powerless.

Women feeling inferior to men as a result of these daily occurrences result in internalized misogyny. As women continue to live in a “man’s world”, they subconsciously learn to project prejudiced behavior upon themselves including other women. Each day, women grapple to take out the pain and degradation as they are looked down upon as someone less.

However, the notion that women intentionally drag each other down has been normalized without any empirical evidence. In fact, there are several claims of women bullying each other, spreading rumors about them, behaving two-faced, and doing things that could undermine each other’s reputations. Based on research conducted for a book titled “It’s Not You, It’s the Workplace”, there is no sufficient evidence that women are mean-spirited, antagonistic, or untrustworthy towards other women than men. Truth be told, there is an underlying reason as to why women engage in this type of behavior.

In a patriarchal world where women are perceived as the weaker sex, women are often pressured to seek validation from many. Women are forced to conform in accordance with the norms and values set upon them by society. With this, women often resort to shaming, doubting, or even undervaluing not just other women but also themselves. Moreover, this triggers the “Queen Bee” syndrome, which according to a study about the Queen Bee phenomenon back in the 1970s, encompasses a set of behaviors including deprecating feminine traits, emphasizing their own “masculine” attributes, not recognizing gender discrimination, and choosing to trample each other instead of patriarchy.

With this, it is safe to say that female rivalry does not happen just because they want to. Instead, women engage in “Queen Bee” behavior as there are unequal opportunities for them thus, affecting their way to success. Based on research, the Queen Bee Phenomenon is a response to the negative stereotypes and discrimination experienced by women, including those who identify themselves as a woman. The change in women’s behavior is considered unintentional and is brought about by the implicit gender bias as this affects their unconscious mind, thus, affecting their attitudes and actions towards other people.

To further back up this claim, fifteen years later, the same study had been replicated and further revealed that women who have the “Queen Bee” syndrome do not mean to be catty. Instead, this behavior is shown by women to cope with the gender discrimination that they still face even after a decade and a half later. As women are continuously being dictated of what they are capable of, they have become quick to judge or even question themselves. This has greatly affected the way they see the women surrounding them. Unfortunately, some women who have not fully empowered themselves criticize and attack other women as seeing other women have what they do not possess yet scares them. In other words, some women are rattled to see what they have not permitted in themselves in other women — empowerment.

However, internalized misogyny goes beyond belittling other women’s success. What most people do not realize is the occurrence of internalized misogyny in their daily lives. As surprising as it can be, internalized misogyny can be as simple as claiming “I’m not like the other girls”, “Girls are so emotional!”, or “I would rather hang out with the boys! Girls are so dramatic” just to cater to the male gaze and set a barrier between themselves and other women as they are perceived as powerless. Furthermore, internalized misogyny includes taking more pride in one’s feminine and masculine qualities, looking down on other women, slut-shaming, and resenting feminine women among others.

Whether we are ready to face it or not, it is difficult being a woman. In a world where women are treated poorly, it is no surprise that living in a man’s world comes with these consequences. And while it is true that this behavior is brought about by the challenges women face, it is not enough to justify this kind of behavior. As a matter of fact, engaging in this misogynistic culture on other women does not destroy nor tramples the standards this world has set for them, but rather makes us participate in our own oppression.

Breaking this cycle also requires the understanding that every woman has her own path, and that not every woman has the freedom to fully empower themselves. Thus, providing safe spaces for them to grow can go a long way as we go through our daily battles as a woman. We must remember that women standing shoulder to shoulder in solidarity are much stronger than anything else. After all, we are never going to be able to trample the real enemy if we will always choose to bring each other down.